My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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