Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
