I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
