Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
