Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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