you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
