M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
