I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
