ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
