Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
