i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
