The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
