I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
