Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
