dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think my vagina is haunted
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
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