I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
