We won't sleep together?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
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pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
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