I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
