i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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