the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
