he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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