it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
