on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
