Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize