There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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