The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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