We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
