please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
