He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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