my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
