I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
