New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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