A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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