dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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