bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
