i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
