I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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