If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
