I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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