I am in a vortex of obligation.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
