I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
