Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
