My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
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you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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