Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
