No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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