Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
