Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
