Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
