just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize