'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
