marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
