just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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