we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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