Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
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I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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