I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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