His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
