She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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