i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
