his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
