Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
