I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
