you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less talking, more tequila
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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