May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
