she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
