I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
