Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
