There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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