Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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